


Lycoris (CANCELLED)

by Miure



Series: Paradise Lost [1]
Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: Blood Drinking, Captivity, Child Murder, Demons, Deviates From Canon, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Bloods, I'll update these tags as necessary, Masochism, Murder, No default heroine, POV Alternating, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Points of View, Sadism, Some Romance, Terminal Illnesses, Vampires, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-26 23:18:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15011579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miure/pseuds/Miure
Summary: **Due to my work for a different project, I will not be returning to this fanfic but I'll leave it up**Brought into the Sakamaki mansion under false pretenses, Kuraujio Mila has suffered for a month at the hands of Ayato, who claimed her. However, when a pair of mysterious and powerful brothers take Mila from the Sakamaki house, she finds there is much a different fate in store for her.





	1. Dear Mama

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! A new series has begun. Three separate stories, all in the Diabolik Lovers universe. I'll return to Sasha's story in a little while, but I had an ache for my favorite Diaboy and I had to write a good Carla fic. The updates for this story, in particular, will come fast so be ready for it!
> 
> Also, I hope you like Mila. As per usual, she's taking over as the heroine of the story. However, she's a little different from my usual protagonists. Enjoy!

_Dear Mama,_

_I wonder about you._

_About you and Papa._

_Are you okay?_

_Do you miss me? Are you looking for me now?_

_No, I suppose you’re not. I wouldn’t want you to find me now._

_I’m different. How painful must it be? You have lost me. I was all you had left._

_I would return to you now if I could, yet…_

_I fear as though you would no longer accept me this way._

_Sometimes, I wonder if I’m human still. If anything remains of the daughter you once had._

* * *

 

**Sakamaki Mansion**

**Underground Pathway**

**Friday, October 13**

**Some time around 5 am**

Was there a point in running any longer? I seriously wonder that now, feeling my breaths become ragged and my legs beginning to give in. But I don’t stop running, I can’t stop running. _It’s pointless,_ I tell myself. _He’ll catch you and it’ll be so much worse than if you had just stayed._ But I keep going, my body not cooperating with my mind. My footsteps drum against the stone paving of the scarcely lit tunnel I had found myself seeking refuge in. I couldn’t seriously trick myself into thinking that he wouldn’t find me here, but I came anyway. I’m an idiot. I can hear my own heartbeat echo through the tunnel so certainly, he’ll find me. He’s going to find me, he’s going to find me, he’s going to find me…

Suddenly, something hooks my foot and sends me tumbling forward onto the ground. I don’t bother to see what had tripped me, only thinking to scramble to my feet before it can get a better grasp on me. But, it’s useless and I know this. A strong, ice-cold hand clasps around my arm and jerks me backward. I don’t even scream at this point, I have no strength to. Having been forcibly halted, my entire body loses its momentum and feels as heavy as lead.

“Where are you running to, Kyonyu?” I hear him laugh.

It’s all over… I know it. This is it, he’s going to kill me.

“Hmm? You’re all wet with sweat, your hair is sticking to your neck,” he says, turning me to face him.

In the dim light, I can make out his features just fine. His red hair is like fire, his eyes are sharp and bright as if they were glowing. He grins widely and his fangs are perfectly visible, stained with a tint of red from my blood. Just looking at his fangs, I become more aware of the agonizing pain emanating from my neck. I become more aware of the blood flowing freely down my chest and arm. I’m an idiot… Having this much blood pouring out is like a dinner bell, especially on the night of a full moon. He would’ve found me and caught me immediately. Perhaps he just wanted to watch me run for a while, watch me desperately try to escape out of this place, watch me tire myself out for nothing. All just to get bored and catch me, and render my efforts completely and utterly meaningless.

With great force, he presses me against the brick wall of the tunnel and pulls my long, blood-stained hair up above my head.

“Damn you… That smell is too much,” he groans lowly, dipping his head down to my neck.

What is there for me to say? I’ve told him to stop, begged him even, for the past month. Ever since I got to this place, I’ve pleaded with him to leave me alone. To stop this. But, it always falls on deaf ears. Even worse, seeing my desperation only encouraged him. There’s no point in arguing, I can’t force myself to fight back. It hurts too much now… I’m weak. I’ve always been weak, even before I became someone’s prey. I shouldn’t expect anything different from myself. I shouldn’t expect anything more from myself. I feel his tongue probe my torn flesh, sending a bitter sting down my spine.

“Your blood is so delicious… There’s nothing like it,” he moans, moving down from my neck and lapping up what is on my chest.

 _Killing her is a no-go._ What a joke. Even though Shuu said that he had to have known that eventually, I would end up dead considering the one who claimed me. Suddenly, he growls and gropes my chest roughly.

“These clothes are in the way!” he grumbles frustratedly, grabbing the collar of my skirt and ripping it down to my chest.

Cold air nips at my exposed chest, leaving me to feel even more pathetic than I already did. The only thing standing between him and my bare body is now my bra. This is just… humiliating…  

“I’ll bite here… where I haven’t left my mark yet,” he mumbles, seeming transfixed by the idea.

Without further hesitation, he sinks his fangs into the top of my right breast, his arms coiling tightly around my waist. I’ve already lost so much blood, I wonder if any remains in my veins by now. Gradually, my vision blurs. Tears have pooled in my eyes, not just because of pain, but because of how absolutely ridiculous this is. This reality in which I’ve become someone’s belonging, someone’s food. Where my very existence has been reduced to nothing but the blood that flows within me. What’s so special about my blood that I had to be the one to endure this? Why me…?

“Oi, does it feel that good?” I hear him ask with a chuckle.

He’s lifted me up to his eye level, keeping my back pressed against the wall and bringing my legs up around his waist. I squeeze my eyes shut, but the tears fall anyway. He laughs and then presses his tongue to my cheek, licking up the streams that have fallen from my eyes.

“That face… really turns me on. On a night like tonight, I can’t control myself,” he whispers lowly, moving his lips to my mouth.

I can taste my own iron-like blood slip into my mouth from his sloppy kiss. I don’t kiss back, I don’t do anything. Everything is just disgusting to me now. Being touched, being kissed, this pain is revolting. He begins spilling kisses down my chin and around my jaw, leaving kiss marks beneath my ear.

“You’re really mine, Kyonyu… Your mind, your body, even your soul all belong to me and only me. I carve it onto your skin again and again so everyone knows… So you never forget,” he says with a commanding tone, nicking my scarred neck with his fangs.

Rather than plunging his fangs in entirely, he lets the mark drip and fall onto his tongue.

“You’re mine, always mine…” he says.

What is there left for me to do? This is my fate… isn’t it? I’ve done everything I could’ve right? I fought back at the start of this, I tried to run now, but it all amounted to nothing. There is nothing left to be gained is there? Is there…? Is there something remaining within me that could change this? Or at the very least, offer me a sense of dignity? It’s my fault, isn’t it? Because I’m so weak, I can’t possibly help myself. Isn’t that the truth of the matter? Am I naive to believe otherwise? Is hope useless now?

“Mama…”

The word slips from my lips without me realizing in a choked breath. Suddenly, in this moment that feels like my last, my mind is flooded with thoughts of my mother. I miss her… I miss her warmth when she hugged me. I miss walking into our home after school ended and hearing her singing as she made dinner. I miss eating dinner with my parents… Seeing my father coming home tired from work but immediately perking up once he smelled what had been cooked. I miss my father carrying me upstairs to my room whenever I fell asleep in the living room. I miss my father kissing my forehead before saying “good night”. I want to see them again. More than anything, I want to see them again. Just one last time… Even if I’m a totally different person, I want to see that they haven’t changed. I want my mother to hold me one more time. Just once more…

But… wanting to and being able to are two different things. It would be different if I were stronger. If I had the means of fighting him off and actually winning, could I really run away for good? Could I make it? Even if I couldn’t, it would be so satisfying to be able to take care of myself. To not be afraid any longer.

“I thought I smelled something tasty. I had no idea the source would be so appetizing to look at, as well,” a familiar voice speaks.

Ayato suddenly tenses, looking back over his shoulder to find Laito staring at us with blushing cheeks. I don’t feel any relief, even though Ayato has stopped drinking my blood. I feel my consciousness begin to fade rapidly and with both of them here, I know that if I lose it now, I’m finished entirely.

“Get out of here, you bastard!” Ayato growls, his grip on me becoming suffocatingly tight.

“Why? Don’t tell me you’re getting shy now, Ayato-kun,” Laito laughs, walking towards us.

“I’m not sharing her with you,” Ayato says, his glare at Laito like death.

“That’s just like you. You always hog your toys and then break them without the rest of us getting a chance to play along,” Laito says, now standing at my side and inhaling deeply at the sight of my wounds. “It’s unfair, really, to keep such a fine toy all to yourself, Ayato-kun.”

“I don’t give a damn what’s fair, I saw her first. And I don’t have to share anything of mine with you,” Ayato argues.

“All I’m asking for is a taste,” Laito says, dragging his finger over the bite on my neck.

Before Ayato can stop him, Laito has already put his finger into his mouth. A pleasured sigh leaves him and then, Ayato has let me go. I crumble down to the ground, failing to process what has just happened. My vision goes out completely for a moment, and while I struggle to bring it back, I hear Ayato and Laito yelling at each other. I hear fists making contact with a body, as well as a flurry of curses. And suddenly, a voice that doesn’t seem like my own speaks to me within my mind.

“They’re fighting now, if you have any sense of self-preservation, you’ll take advantage of this moment before they decide on a winner,” the voice says.

And, as if some sense of power has been given to me by this voice, I find the strength to get back onto my unsteady feet. Still blind, I gather up this energy and force myself to bolt in the direction I had come from. I press my hand to my neck and run like hell. I can’t tell that I’m outside until I feel the cold air and something that is like a kiss from the heavens. Rain. Pouring rain. My vision returns to me slowly, enough for me to decide where to go. I’ve learned from spending a month here that rain is one of the few things I can actually use to my benefit. My scent is distorted and scattered by it. I allow myself some time to get drenched from head to toe before deciding on a course of action. I could run, go straight into the woods and hope to reach the city. But I won’t make it. Even with this little burst of energy, I’ll collapse without getting that far. I turn around and around, eventually standing in the direction of the mansion. If I go back, and if I manage to make it through the night, when everyone comes back to their senses, I may be able to survive a bit longer. Possibly, though it’s a longshot, I could even have Reiji interfere. After all, not killing me was an order from their father.

All I need is time to heal and then I can find a direction to go after that. If I can’t find the strength for myself, then I need to think of my parents. Of Mama and Papa, for their sake… I’ll definitely try harder. I won’t give up, not yet. I won’t let them lose both of us. I cannot give in.

I begin running back to the mansion, praying I don’t run into anyone on the way. I’m not entirely sure what inspired this newfound determination, but I won’t question it now. I’m able to get back into the mansion safely- well, as safe as I can be- and go to my room. Though it makes no difference, I lock my door for some peace of mind. Then, I go to my desk and retrieve some bandages that Reiji had given me in the past. I manage to cover the minor bites quickly and effectively, but it’s not those I’m concerned about. I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I’m taken aback by my appearance. My hair is tangled and messy, my eyes are wide and mad-looking almost. And there, on my neck, is a chunk of my skin torn off. When this night started, Ayato had been biting me so deeply, I thought that he would surely puncture a major artery. So I tried to push him away and get out of his reach, but he didn’t stop biting. As a result, the wound ended up being much worse.

I stare at it, wondering how such an ugly-looking thing could actually be real. Threads of flesh and tissue hang from it, and while some of the blood flow has begun to clot, there is a literal piece of my neck gone. I know I need to disinfect it, but a wound like this… it’s far too deep to use peroxide on. I’ll have to get medication from Reiji somehow, but not tonight. For now, all I can do is try to clean it up. As I grab a clean towel and run it under some cold water from the faucet, I find it strange that at a time like this, I think of Reiji as the type to help me. He’s certainly not kind and he is a vampire just like the others. I don’t think he’d ever help me out of kindness, but in comparison to the others, he’s the only one who is likely to find an issue with my condition and try to repair it. He’s really my only option for this kind of thing. I sigh and wring out the towel, then brace myself for the pain to come.

Carefully, I press the towel to the very center of the wound. I have to clench my teeth tightly to keep from screaming. The pain alone is enough to make me pass out. But, I bear with it. I can pass out later, once the sun begins to rise. For now, I have to do this. I begin cleaning the wound out from center to edge, getting any dirt out and wiping away any excess blood. Once I’ve cleaned it up a bit, it begins to look much better. Still, it doesn’t hurt any less. I carry on regardless, flushing the wound with water multiple times and rinsing the towel out before repeating the process again and again until I feel that it’s as clean as it’s going to get for now. Then, I gently pat the area dry and put a bandage on it. There’s still a bit of blood flow but not as much as before. As long as I change out the bandages regularly and get some kind of medicine, I’m sure that it will heal just fine, even if it hurts. So for now… I should clean up the rest of my body.

I lock the bathroom door, still knowing it won’t do much. And then, I fill up the bathtub halfway and because I don’t trust that I won’t fall asleep in the tub, I make sure the water is cold enough to keep me awake. Slowly, I peel off my soaked clothes and toss them into the waste bin since they are effectively ruined now. The only thing I leave on is the silver necklace I keep on. Then, I slip into the bathtub and grit my teeth, feeling the chill of the water. On the bathroom counter, I look at the alarm clock I had placed there weeks earlier. It’s 6 o’clock in the morning now. The sun should begin rising soon and with it, the night of the full moon will end. It’s too early to pat myself on the back but I can’t help but feel some relief. I will make it… at least to tomorrow. I clean my body, ridding myself of the blood that had stained my skin, careful not to disturb the bandages. Then, I try to tackle washing my hair a bit. As I go, I think about cutting my hair shorter. It’s at my hips now and so insanely thick that I might be able to move faster if I get rid of the excess weight. But… the thought of cutting my hair now seems kind of unthinkable. I started growing my hair out after… that time. Since I was 12, I haven’t cut my hair. Before that, I always kept it short at my shoulders. But ever since then… I couldn’t stomach the thought of keeping it short.

I take pause, lifting up the charm of my necklace. It’s really more of a round, flat piece of silver but it’s worth more than anything in the world to me. Engraved neatly on the face of the charm is her name. “Minari”. She always had long hair. She’d beg me to braid it, make it nice and neat like how I kept my short hair. But, if I even suggested that she cut her hair like mine, she’d start crying and say I should I grow mine out. If I think about cutting my hair now, I feel like she’d cry at that, too. So, I’ll keep my hair long. Because my little sister would’ve wanted it that way.

I rinse my hair out after the strenuous task of conditioning it is over, then I lean my back against the tub. I still keep the charm in my hand as I stare absentmindedly at the ceiling. The sun should be up by now, which means I’m in the clear for now. I can feel my last bit of energy draining so I force myself up and rinse my entire body before getting out of the bath and letting the water out. I dry off as quickly as my arms will allow me and then go back into my room. I throw on my pajamas and climb into the bed, burying myself beneath the warm blankets. It’s deceptively comforting and almost too nice to be real. And then, as I should’ve expected, I feel the weight of the mattress shift. I try to summon some strength to get out of the bed but arms wrap around me and bring me back against the chest of someone I know all too well by now.

“You got away from me,” Ayato says in a tired voice.

“Is Laito-kun de-”

“Shut up,” Ayato growls. “Don’t say any other guy’s name. Just be quiet…”

I can only assume that Laito is either dead or in no condition to interfere now. Though he definitely wasn’t intentionally trying to help me, it’s because of him that I was able to get away. However, I guess it’s probably better if he was dead. Even so, I can’t help but feel some sense of guilt in thinking that way. Maybe that’s me being human.

“You’re mine… just mine. You understand… Mila?” Ayato says quietly.

He says my name with an unnatural gentleness that makes me uneasy. I feel his chin rest on the top of my head and imagine that it must look as if I’m a teddy bear in his arms. After all, I’m a good 8 inches shorter than him, even though physically I’m supposed to be a year older than him. But, at this point, I don’t care about any of that. I can’t possibly fight anymore. I’m tired. And from the sound of it, so is he. It could possibly he won’t be drinking my blood now. So, I close my eyes and trust this tense sense of peace between us for the moment.

“I understand,” I concede.

After I answer, even though it’s insincere, it seems to satisfy him. I feel his cold body relax a bit and his breaths become steady. Even I can’t maintain my rigidity and unwillingly relax in his embrace, allowing myself to drift off. Somewhere, deep in my mind, I feel unstabilized by this moment. If he was purely cruel to me, I would hate him entirely and I would lose my mind. But, even with this sickening cuddling, he’s doing, a small part of me clings to it. Any bit of kindness, whether genuine or not, is the only thing that keeps me sane… so, if it’s just for a moment, I can let go enough and fall asleep next to him. But I will never, ever give in to him completely. The moment I do that... is the moment everything is lost.

* * *

 

_Dear Mama,_

_Every day I feel like my humanity is threatened._

_It would be so easy to give up and give in to him._

_To despair completely and become as heartless as him._

_Every day I feel tempted to trick myself into thinking that I like this so it hurts a little less._

_He says it to me all the time, that I’m given pleasure through pain._

_What if I start to believe him, Mama?_

_What will become of me? Will I become like them?_

_Will I turn into a vampire one day?_

_Mama… Can I keep clinging to the hope of seeing you again?_

_Would you accept me, Mama, if I could no longer bear it and became someone different?_

_Mama… would you love me still?_

_Sincerely, your eldest daughter,_

_Kuraujio Mila._


	2. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the night of the eclipse, Mila encounters a stranger in the library while the Sakamaki brothers seem rather out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay~! Updates! I honestly hate introductory chapters soooo much but I stuck it out and actually ended up writing a lot! I feel like there may be more parallels between this chapter and the games but I don't plan on making Mila's story follow the canon for much longer. That being said, enjoy *w*

_ Fate has no deserving. _

_ Pain and suffering is inflicted without precision. _

_ The best people can fall victim to the worst. _

_ And a dreary existence drenched in misery… _

_ Can consume the purest heart. _

_ This is what I know to be true. _

_ This is absolute. _

* * *

 

**Ryoutei Senior Academy**

**Infirmary**

**Friday, October 13th**

**7:30 pm**

To my surprise, it was still raining when I woke up this evening. And, even more surprising, Ayato was gone. I had fully anticipated him trying to drink from me as soon as I opened my eyes. But, when I woke up, my room was empty and quiet. So quiet, in fact, that the only thing I could hear was the steady hum of falling rain and my own breaths. And this silence wasn’t just in my room. When I headed down to the foyer to join the others for school, everyone was quiet. It was almost as if they were in some kind of trance, their eyes fixed to some intangible thing. I didn’t bother trying to get their attention. After all, if they were leaving me alone, then I shouldn’t really care why they were behaving that way. Still, it does make me a bit curious to see them all acting so odd.

Despite the rain, we made it to school a bit earlier than usual so I decided to take advantage of the time and the strange atmosphere to go to the infirmary. I didn’t even ask Reiji about medicine. I didn’t think I would get a proper response so I decided not to speak about it. Besides, I think with a little disinfectant ointment and a ready stock of bandages, the wound could heal on its own in time. The only thing to consider is that I might not have time. I may not get so lucky if I make it to the next full moon. But, I have no means of taking control over my situation. It’s not like I can kill a vampire or anything. I wonder if I’m even capable of doing such a thing. I suppose… if it was the only way and I had no other options, I might be willing to do anything. But, there’s no way for me to know until that time comes.

I’m still so deep in my thoughts that I almost don’t notice a sign on the door when I make it to the infirmary. I stop, my hand on the door, and read the sheet of paper that has been taped to it. Penned in neat handwriting are the words “The doctor is out today”. I sigh, a bit disappointed that this plan hasn’t worked out. Reinhart, the school’s doctor, seems nice enough. I’m sure if I asked, he would’ve helped me. Then again, I would’ve had to explain how I got injured in the first place and I don’t think that would go over well. None of the guys seem to like Reinhart all that much, but I’m not sure why. I don’t even think they know why. It’s just some kind of instinctual dislike, I guess. I begin walking back down the hall, wondering what to do with the half an hour I have free. I could go to the music room for a bit but Shuu has probably already set himself up in there by now. Going outside or up to the roof isn’t an option considering the rain. So, the only real place left to go is the library. 

It’d be nice, I suppose, to have something to read. It’s a great way to kill time in that house. Though, I’m not really sure what kind of book to look for. 

When I get to the library, it’s almost completely vacant, excluding the librarian and myself. It’s a bit strange to see the library empty before school. I know other students usually come here to finish homework or just hang out before class starts. Though, I don’t really mind no one else being here. I walk through the library, seeming to gravitate towards the classic section. There’s a lot of books here that I’ve read before, but I tend to like classics the best. After all, their meanings are timeless. Especially in English and American literature, in my opinion. And I think of what I’ve read so far, I’ve enjoyed Franz Kafka the most. I read some of Kafka’s work when I was fifteen. _Ahh,_ _that brings back memories_ , I think. That was the year when I had been selected to attend a 6-month music program in London for playing piano. My parents weren’t exactly excited to send me off and I wasn’t exactly excited to go. But we all agreed that it would be a good experience and help me in the future. And that made sense at the time. 

My English wasn’t too good back then, though, so I spent most of my spare time trying to read books that were written in English to expand my vocabulary a bit. It was miserable at first but I liked the challenge and I was determined to see it through. Now, save for a few phrases, I can understand English fairly well. Looking back to that time, I’m glad I decided to go through with the program. Even if my life has turned out quite different to what I had hoped. 

Looking up at the shelf, I search for something of Kafka’s. Even if it means rereading, I’d like to have that feeling of nostalgia again. Then, there on one of the higher shelves, I find exactly what I’m looking for.

“The Trial… That’s good,” I say quietly to myself. 

Excitedly, I try to take the book down from the shelf, but like most things, it’s out of my reach. I huff, frustrated by my own lack of height. I try jumping up and attempting to grab the book but it’s no use. Though it’s really my only option at this point, I really hate having to use a step-stool. It makes me feel even smaller than I am. After all, I’m eighteen and I’m five feet even. Even though I wear heels in school, I feel like it doesn’t make that much of a difference. But, there’s no use in complaining. I just have to make do. I turn, searching for a stool to use but instead, my eyes lock with someone else’s. On the far side of the library, over by what I think is the philosophy section, is a man I’ve never seen before. Even from this distance, I can tell that he’s quite taller than I am which is only a single facet of his intimidating look. His sharp, golden eyes hold mine with a calm, yet somehow powerful gaze. All I can see clearly of his face is his eyes. His mouth is veiled by a thick, black scarf. 

We spend the next few silent seconds exchanging stares and then, in realizing that this is completely weird of me, I turn away from him. Then, I quietly go back to trying to finding a stool. I can hear the shuffling of my footsteps awkwardly fill the air along with the sound of pouring rain and I wonder if that guy is still looking at me. I don’t dare to check and see, lest he look over at me the same time I’m looking at him. I would seem so creepy. Though, if he’s watching me, then he’s the creep. I manage to find a stool tucked beneath a distant desk and, thinking the desk should provide decent cover so I can glance over at him. I bend down and take the stool into my hands, briefly looking in his direction. However, he’s not looking at me. In his hands is a book…  _ The Prince, by Machiavelli, _ I read to myself. That’s a political philosophy piece, I think. It might be an interesting read… I look away from him, satisfied to find that he was occupied with something else. Then, I bring the stool back over to the shelf I had been standing at and set it down.

I step onto the stool, feeling it shift with a disconcerting wobble beneath my weight. I decide it would be wisest if I grab the book quickly and get down before the stool gives. Now, able to reach the book, I stretch my hand out towards it. However, I can only barely get my fingers around it before hearing the crash of lightning and a horrible crack of wood. I feel my body begin to fall and I brace myself for a humiliating impact, but it doesn’t come. Instead, I fall back into someone’s chest, their hands on my shoulders and holding me steady. Slowly, I look upwards to find that guy- who just a moment ago was on the other side of the library- looking down at me. Startled by his sudden appearance, I stumble out of his grasp and face him. 

“Are you injured?” he asks me in a deep and mature voice.

I shake my head, my face burning. I’m sure my cheeks are beet red.

“Thank you… for catching me,” I say quietly, keeping my eyes on the floor.

This is so embarrassing. I must’ve looked like such a spaz. 

“Well then,” he says, walking over to the shelf.

I watch as he pulls down  _ The Trial _ from the shelf with ease, looking over it with a curious light in his eyes.

“Do you enjoy Kafka?” he asks, turning to me and holding the book out for me to take.

Though I would rather not prolong a conversation with him out of my own shame, I can’t help but smile a bit as I take the book. “Yes, very much,” I answer. “Do you like Machiavelli?” 

“Ah, so you were watching me?” he asks without a change to his tone, which makes me wonder if I’ve bothered him somehow.

“No… Well, I just noticed that you were reading one of his books. I wasn’t watching you,” I say quickly, bringing my book close to my chest.

“I see. Then, yes, I do like Machiavelli,” he replies.

I nod, managing to look up at him fully. Up close, his face does seem a bit more delicate than it was far away. He has nearly perfect, pale skin and white hair that goes a bit past his shoulders it seems. Save for his school uniform, he looks like he belongs to another world almost. Still, his presence is making me feel somewhat uneasy. There’s a kind of quality about him that stirs some kind of fear within me, though so far he’s been nothing but cordial. 

“Ah, were you attacked?” he asks suddenly, bringing me out of my thoughts. 

His eyes are locked onto my neck and reflexively, I try to cover the bandage with my hair. 

“Um… something like that…” I respond in a small voice.

“Hmph… Ironic,” he mutters.

I tilt my head to the side, wondering what he means by that.

“There is something I’d like to know,” he says with a bit of intrigue.

I feel more of a chill in his voice than I did before and suddenly, I feel like I should leave as soon as possible and go to class. But, I don’t want to be rude.

“Sure, what is it?” I ask.

“That book deals a lot with the destruction of a human’s spirit, not necessarily through brute force but by something more gradual and exhausting. What do you think about that?” he asks.

I look down at the book, recalling what happened to the protagonist, Josef K., throughout the course of the story. Without violence or physical torture, the government managed to strip away his humanity and desire to prove his innocence. By the end, he just resigned and let himself be killed. “Like a dog”. I know, even without torture, that it’s very possible for such a thing to happen to a person.

“Well… I think it’s certainly true that people can be broken down over a period of time and that, eventually, they’ll give up on themselves,” I begin.

But there’s more to it than that. I feel like I resonate a lot with Josef. Even though my body is put through a lot by my circumstance, my mind is really what determines the path I follow. I don’t know why I’m being punished like this, but it will ultimately be my choice whether or not I give up. 

“However, I don’t think that outcome is absolute,” I say.

“Hm? How so?” he asks me.

“A person can only be stripped of their will to keep fighting whatever oppresses them if they kill the hope that is within them. I believe that as long as some hope remains, no matter how small, they can keep going even if they suffer and lose their dignity. Even if everything you care for is taken, if you can continue to hope, your spirit won’t ever be broken completely. That’s what I think,” I explain.

The man remains silent for a moment, seeming to really absorb my words fully. Then, he exhales and begins to speak.

“That’s truly an earnest answer. However, as strong as one’s desire to keep their humanity may be, there will always be something not even they can bear with. There will always be someone with the ability to break their spirit entirely. Whether that person is a human, a vampire, or some other kind of demon…” he says.

As soon as the word “vampire” leaves his lips, my attention snaps upward. But the man is gone, almost as if he vanished into thin air. I look around the library, thinking maybe he just quickly walked away. But… he’s truly gone. And I’m left wondering what the hell just happened. Was that guy… a vampire too? I don’t understand. Abruptly, the school bell rings.  _ There’s no use in staying here _ , I tell myself. As swiftly as I can, I run out of the library and head up to my classroom. All I can do is hope I don’t cross paths with that person again. It seems like he’s someone I shouldn’t get involved with in any capacity. I have enough to deal with already. Having some strange guy come around to complicate things is more than I’d care to endure. I make it to my class unbothered and take my seat quickly.

And though I try not to let it get to me, I can’t stop thinking about how odd things are tonight. First with the guys at the house acting out of the ordinary and that other guy in the library… Is he really another vampire? He fits the bill pretty well, appearing and disappearing at will. However, it’s almost as if I could sense some kind of difference with him. He had a disturbingly powerful atmosphere. 

“Hey, Kuraujio-san, have you seen the moon?” one of my female classmates asks me.

I look up, taking a moment to fully take in her question. 

“What do you mean?” I ask her.

She points to the window and I follow her finger. The sky has cleared enough for me to see the moon clearly. It’s a lunar eclipse. The moon has been dyed a bloody crimson color and the longer I stare at it, the more questions I have. Vampires are affected by the moon, aren’t they? I learned this over the past month. When the moon wanes, their powers aren’t as strong. But, when the moon is full, their powers peak. So it’s reasonable to think an eclipse would also affect them… which may very well be the cause of their distorted personalities tonight. If that’s the case, then there’s no way that other guy in the library is a vampire as well or he would have acted similarly. He did say “some other kind of demon”... could he be referring to himself? I’d be naive to think that only beings like vampires and humans existed. So, if this is all true, then what is that guy? And more importantly, what does he want?

I turn my attention from the moon to the book. I feel a disturbing sensation in the pit of my stomach. It’s similar to the feeling that you get during an earthquake, where the whole world is shaking like a snowglobe, and all you can do is hold on and hope nothing crushes you. I grip the edges of the book tightly, almost as if I’m depending on it to keep me grounded and stable. Something is bound to happen… I can feel it. But, I shouldn’t be so afraid. I know there’s much to fear, but it’s like I said. As long as I have some hope remaining, I’ll be okay. I have to trust in myself when there is no one else. If not for my sake, then for the sake of Mama and Papa. For the sake of seeing them once again.

“Kuraujio-san!”

I look up, my mouth falling open when the teacher’s calling finally reaches me. I think he’s been calling me for some time because when I look at his face, he seems annoyed. He holds up a little green sheet of paper and gestures for me to stand. I do so and walk towards him, clutching my book tightly in my hands.

“The headmaster would like to see you,” he says.

“The headmaster…?” I ask, taking the paper.

_ Kuraujio Mila to the Special Classroom, Headmaster Yamada, _ it reads. I sigh and leave the classroom. It’s really one strange thing after another… I walk through the halls, trying to recount where I saw the special classroom at. I believe it’s on this floor somewhere, maybe further down the hall. While walking, I try to think about what the headmaster could possibly want with me. I don’t really do much at school except study and spend my free time trying to avoid Ayato. I wonder…

When I reach the special classroom, I find the headmaster inside leaning against one of the four desks that have been set up there. And along with him is that guy and another one that I haven’t seen yet. The unfamiliar one stands a few inches shorter than the one I do recognize. He’s less intimidating to look at, though equally odd in his own way. With spiky strawberry blonde hair, he wears a black eye patch over his left eye and teal glasses. When their eyes look at me, he grins widely.

“Ah, here she is! Kuraujio Mila!” the headmaster says with what I consider to be displaced enthusiasm. 

“Sensei, what is this regarding?” I ask, staying near the door of the classroom.

“Oh, forgive me. These are our new students, the Tsukinami brothers. They’ve just returned home to Japan from the United Kingdom and they’ll be attending school here from now on,” the headmaster says, gesturing towards the two other men in the room.

“I’m Carla,” the one I met in the library says.

“Nii-san is always so to the point. Allow me to properly introduce myself. I’m Tsukinami Shin, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mila,” the other says, not dropping his smile.

“It’s… nice to meet you both. Please do not take this the wrong way, but what does this have to do with me?” I ask the headmaster.

Carla’s brows furrow at my question, which I feel he took the wrong way. Though, I really have no desire to be here.

“Well, you see, because these boys are transferring in, they aren’t fully adjusted to life in Japan quite yet so they requested to be shown around by a student. Carla-san mentioned that he had met you in the library earlier and suggested that you be the one to assist them. I thought that was a brilliant idea since your records show that you spent six months in London a few years ago. And you’re a very talented student to boot,” the headmaster explains.

“But-” I begin.

“It must be you,” Carla interrupts, his voice firm. He’s not asking me.

“I’m counting on you, Kuraujio-san,” the headmaster says, some air of panic in his voice.

Without another word, he hurries past me out of the special classroom. I sigh and look back at Carla and Shin. There’s really no getting out of this, is there? My answer lies in the way they’re looking at me.

“Well, then… I’ll help you,” I say, trying to be polite.

“Good,” Carla says.

“This school is pretty big, I’m sure it’d be a pain to show the both of us around. How about you help out Nii-san?” Shin suggests.

“No, she can choose,” Carla protests.

They both stare at me, waiting for a response. Suddenly, having a choice is a novel thing to me. But surprisingly, I choose quickly.

“Okay… I’ll show Carla-san around,” I say quickly.

They both seem taken aback by my fast answer. I’d much rather deal with Carla, who I’ve actually met before and talked with briefly, than Shin, who I know nothing about. 

“Alright, a woman who knows what she wants. Well, then, I’ll be off. See ya’, Nii-san,” Shin says.

And then, just like that, Carla and I are alone in the special classroom. I take a deep breath and decide to be direct. I know there’s something bigger going on here. There’s no way he just wants me to help him around the school. So, where do I begin? I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I should try to be polite. Though, I don’t want to be indirect.  _ Ah… I think I’ve got it. _

“The eclipse is nice, isn’t it?” I ask him.

Carla’s brows lift and then he lets out a breathy chuckle. 

“Why are you asking about such a thing?” he asks me.

“In the library… you mentioned vampires and ‘other demons’. And I know from living with vampires that the moon affects the way they behave. So, since you seem to be fine during this eclipse, you clearly aren’t a vampire. So, I think I should ask. What are you, Carla-san?” I say.

There’s a brief period of time where everything is completely still. I can no longer hear the rain or even my own heartbeat. I feel as though I’ve left my body. Thoughts swirl through my mind at warp speed. I keep asking myself if I went about this the right way. If he’ll actually tell me. And then, to perfectly interrupt this little bit of tension, Carla laughs darkly. He pulls down his scarf to show an amused smirk on his lips.

“My, my… for a such a clumsy woman, you do have some sense,” he says.

“Well, if I didn’t have sense in this situation, I wouldn’t have anything,” I tell him.

“Hmph… I see. Well then, I will answer your question,” he states.

Within in an instant, he has pressed me against the wall beside the door. My struggling, or attempt to, is immediately ceased by his strong arms. One of his hands clasps around my neck, his fingers digging into my bandaged wound, while his other hand keeps my body pinned against the wall. With a single motion, he rips my bandage off and a look of disgust overcomes his face.

“Your scent is truly foul,” he says with bitter revulsion.

When his lips part, I can see clearly his two large fangs. Though I’m definitely no stranger to fangs at this point, with him being so much larger than me in general, I’m terrified of the sight.

“Let go of me,” I demand, trying to wrestle his grip.

It’s no use… he’s far too strong. My attempt to fight him off only adds annoyance to his disgust.

“No,” he says flatly.

And then, wordlessly, he tears away my blazer and shirt, exposing my left shoulder. His eyes scan over the various bites that Ayato has marked me with and he seems to become even more annoyed. Carla’s eyes narrow to a spot on my skin that seems to be free of marks, then in a blur of motion, he sinks his fangs in. I cry out involuntarily, completely wracked with pain. His bite… is far worse than Ayato’s. As he sucks, I feel my blood being forcibly drained, almost as if it’s being ripped from my veins. This is agony...

“For someone as filthy as you…” he groans, gulping my blood down thickly. “... There is nothing but purification.”

Purification? What is that supposed to mean? And how am I filthy…? Moreover, he hasn’t answered my question but only given me more. If I’m so filthy to him, what does he want with me?

“Your blood is horrific… I want to vomit,” he coughs, pulling his fangs out and looking down at me. 

Then why is he drinking it? That’s what I want to ask. If my blood is so terrible, then why is bothering with me? He makes no sense. I open my mouth, intending to insist on him answering my initial question but the door opens before I can speak. Shin walks in, pausing once he sees us.

“Wow, you really don’t waste any time, huh, Nii-san?” Shin chuckles, closing the door. 

Carla lets go of me and takes a few steps back while Shin looks over me. When he sees the wound on my neck that Ayato left, he cringes and covers his nose with his hand.

“Shit! It smells like rot! You let vampires do that to you?” he exclaims.

They really must be something different… to the vampires in the house, all they wanted was my blood.

“I didn’t let them do anything… Carla-san, answer my question, please,” I say.

“Question?” Shin asks, looking to his brother.

“She asked me what we are,” Carla says somewhat expectantly.

Shin picks up on his tone and turns toward me proudly.

“Nii-san and I are Founders,” he states.

I look at him, completely drawing a blank. I have no idea what that means. Shin huffs and continues to try explaining upon seeing that I’m even more confused than before.

“Also known as First Bloods. We are the ancestor race to all demons. For example, those vampires you let toy with you are something like a subspecies to us. There’s also Vibora, Wolves, Adlers… We have the power of all of them since they come from us, making us the strongest race. Do you understand?” Shin asks me.

_ The ancestor race to all demons? _ Even though I can’t really visualize what that means in literal terms, I think I have a fair idea of what this means. There is absolutely no way I can ever get away from them if they are as powerful as they say. 

“I got it,” I say quietly.

“Good girl. Now, here’s something I think you’d do well to remember. There is a king of the Founders and Nii-san  _ is _ that king,” Shin tells me.

King…? I look at Carla, my entire body beginning to tremble. If he’s the king, then… it’s a fair assumption to say he’s the strongest among the strongest. 

“I… will remember that,” I say.

“Wow, this is easier than I thought it was going to be,” Shin says. “That’s good.”

For some reason, I can’t make my body move. Part of me wants to run away, but I stay. Where is there for me to go? I can’t go back to the Sakamaki brothers. They won’t protect me and honestly, there’s no saying that it wouldn’t be worse for me if I went back there. But I don’t want to be taken by Carla and Shin. The pain in my shoulder lingers, throbbing violently and making my heart beat erratically. Moreover, Carla scares me. I’m scared… more scared than I was with Ayato. At least then, I knew what I was in for. I knew what he wanted and why he wanted it. It was easier to bear with because I had that knowledge. But, I don’t know what Carla wants. I don’t know anything about this. All I know is that I certainly don’t want to be here. I don’t want to belong to Carla. I don’t want to belong to anyone.

“No,” Carla says abruptly.

“Eh…?” I mumble.

“Your thoughts are so easy to read. You’re thinking of running, aren’t you? Back to those vampires maybe?” he asks.

“It’s… not-”

“I have no intention of letting you go. After all, you must know your only purpose is to have your blood sucked so the one doing it shouldn’t make a difference. Think of it as a change of your owner and you’ll adjust easily. Unless, of course, you want to return to those vampires because you think you can understand them,” Carla says.

_ That certainly is not it.  _ I’m very sure of the thought that I hate vampires. However, it could be possible that I had adapted to that life a fair bit just to keep myself going. But that doesn’t mean that I understood…

“Well, then, allow me to teach you. The feelings of demons and humans cannot be understood by each other. Any bit of kindness you perceive from a demon, including myself, is merely an illusion. There is no true sentiment that can be felt,” Carla states definitively.

Inexplicably, my thoughts wander to this morning… falling asleep in Ayato’s arms. I know there’s no real tenderness there… I know it is all meant to deceive me and get me to become more submissive to his will. Though, knowing that and being told it feels different in a strange way. Carla’s words are true. I know they are. But… hearing it makes me feel as though there is no hope. That this cruelty is all I’ll feel for the rest of my life. And I feel like I’ll lose my mind if that is true.

“Are you already beginning to understand?” Carla asks. I feel as if he’s mocking me now.

His words in the library… the words that I said. I believed them. I still believe in what I said. My hope and my spirit don’t rely on vampires. It relies on my family. It relies on myself. If Carla intends to be the person to break my spirit, then I won’t make it easy for him. I will fight… because I told myself I would.

“I don’t care about vampires… I don’t have any desire to go back to them. But, I’m not anyone’s toy. I won’t give up on myself. I still stand by the answer I gave you earlier, even if things become painful,” I say to Carla, keeping my voice firm and steady.

Carla’s eyes narrow on me and I lock my eyes on his. There’s not really a way to appear tough to them, but I can show them that I’m sure of myself. That’s the best strength I have.

“I don’t really care about what you think. As long as you obey me, you can believe what you’d like. Shin, take-” Carla pauses suddenly, his eyes widening.

I feel very light all of the sudden. My shirt feels like it’s soaked with some kind of hot liquid. I look down, my head almost as heavy as lead and see my white shirt becoming drenched in blood. I touch my hand to the wound on my neck and almost immediately, my hand is coated in red. My blood pressure… it must’ve gotten too high and caused me to start bleeding again… it… won’t stop…  

“Shit! Nii-san!” Shin shouts.

The room tilts on its side and the lights seem to go out all at once. Then, everything is calm and quiet. It’s as if my body is gone. And, for a moment, I wonder if, after all that talk, I just died. But, I figure that’s not it. Death would be too easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that's a way to end a conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, let me know what you think by leaving a comment! Good feedback or just your opinions are always welcome!


End file.
